Strap-Ons, Leather, and Dildos Loved and Lost

When I was in my first lesbian relationship, my girlfriends’ friend gave us her hand-me down leather strap. It was a thong style, with a single strap that would ride up the crack. Quality leather goods, especially if taken care of, will last a long time and there’s no good reason that they can’t be properly cleaned, conditioned, and re-distributed should they fall out of personal favour. A leather strap can be the sort of thing you can buy once and use for years and years. 

We had the strap first, if I remember correctly, and then we needed to buy something to go into it. We went to Venus Envy and found something that wasn’t too big that we could try in our new strap. Turned out that my girlfriend was not so into being on the receiving end of strap-on action, and I found the first toy that we got to be a bit small for my tastes. When we had some cash saved up we went back and bought another Vixen, hollow-core, body safe, silicone dildo, just a tad bigger. When that relationship ended, I bought out her share and kept the whole set. Vixen toys have a lifetime warranty , and the manufacturer insists that their products will last a lifetime when properly cared for. I have no reason to disagree.

Now, that was about 15 years ago, so you may ask, am I still using those toys? Does the hundred you drop on a dildo really stretch itself out as a long term investment? What about the ~150 or so someone spent on the leather before giving it to me? 

Well… I would. I do still have that first dildo, and it does still get used. Unfortunately, the better sized dildo, the leather strap, a beautiful hand made leather flogger and a number of other toys were in a bag taken on a road trip a few years ago. At the time, the kid was at the stage of newly walking, and she liked to drag things around the room- what occupational therapists or behaviour interventionists might call, “heavy work”. When kids are building balance, proprioception, grip and stability, the game of dragging a “heavy” bag from one side of the room to the other is not only fun, but developmentally rewarding. She couldn’t yet undo any sort of clasps or zippers, so the contents of the bags weren’t really of any issue. But, I guess she liked the weight of that bag of dicks (and assorted accoutrements) and myself and my companion were getting a good chuckle at the baby dragging a bag of dicks all around the motel room. Somehow though, that bag got missed when the car got loaded, and attempts to call the motel, see if it had been found or turned in came up dry. It was gone forever. I was really sad. Not only were there hundreds of dollars of sex toys in the bag, but also hand made leatherwork that was not replaceable. The joke ended up being on me. 

I wasn’t entirely without, I still had a spareparts harness at home, size xxl, which while just barely adjustable to a size small enough for me to wear, I had found that the range meant that most of my fat lovers could wear it with minimal difficulty. The soft, athletic wear style of the spareparts has an appeal, it’s more like an article of clothing than a corrective brace, and the range and flexibility of it were all appreciated. But, as it is more of a soft garment, it doesn’t always offer the same control, movement transfer or durability of a leather strap. It relies on velcro and elastic tensioners, which can loosen off, sometimes in inopportune moments. The fact that it is entirely machine washable is a nice perk, but also means that sometimes it needs to go through the wash before it’s ready to be worn again (or traded between people), rather than leather which can often be wiped down and ready to go again almost instantly. 

When I visited Toronto in 2018 I paid a visit to Good For Her and found myself a replacement leather. Instead of the thong style, I invested in a dual strap Aslan Jaguar. I like that it has the option of snap-in rings that help fit larger or smaller toys than the leather is cut for. I have gotten used to it now, but one of my first test runs wearing it was actually on a bath house trip where I really wished I had been able to get my fitting adjustments fine tuned before I had such eager and willing bottoms, but…well we live, we learn. 

I look forward to seeing and hearing more about straps and dildos you have loved and lost, things you have learned work well for you, things you aren’t sure you ever want to try again, and things you hope will last forever at the next Sex Toy Show & Tell: Strap Ons. There is space for folks with no experience and lots of questions as much as folks who know their way in and out of a strap blindfolded. Your questions and curiosities are welcome, voyeurism is participation, and everyone is invited to participate in the ways that best suit them. All genders, bodies, and orientations welcome, 18+.

November 12th, 8pm PST, hosted in my private Topia.

Topia is a social engagement platform where attendees can see and hear each other over video chat, but also have the opportunity to “move throughout the space”, allowing a more organic flow between conversations. It requires a chrome browser, headphones and a webcam. Test running Topia before the event is recommended to make sure your technology is compatible.

Tickets here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/196032918737

Coupon code available to Patreon backers for 10% off.