Balancing Structure and Recovery

I have been working with a physio therapist to help me evaluate and improve my level of physicality. Being disabled and coming out of the 2-3 most sedentary years ever, I had found that I was pendulating between over-doing physical activity, or under-doing it from fear of over-doing it and not really knowing my current capacity. When I first started making a plan with this therapist, he suggested that Mondays and Thursdays would be a bike day, Tuesdays and Fridays a hike, Wednesday and Saturdays could be for a little resistance training and then, on Sunday, rest. But… once we spoke a little longer, I understood that if on any day I over did it, I should take a day or two to recover. And the distinction was clear,

Recovery Days are Not Rest Days.

What our bodies are doing while recovering is different from a scheduled and earned rest. We can rest without “earning” it, but if what we are doing is recovering, that’s actually a different thing than resting. When I spoke to a sweetheart of mine last night who has had experience recovering from a TBI, they reflected that on those days when they were in the depths of that recovery process, there was very little restful about it. Their brain and body were working very hard to sort and re-systematize everything that had been jumbled. My experience of bereavement also reflected that – grief can be really hard physical and emotional labour. When our bodies are recovering from an injury, post-viral infection or a rough nights’ sleep, they are hard at work. It’s not rest for rest’s sake, which we also need.

I very quickly started thinking through how I could chart out a schedule of weekly activity rotation, that wasn’t firmly attached to which activity happened on which specific day- because taking a day off (which sometimes is what is needed) should not mean that the whole system falls apart. Learning to give permission to take a day to recover can be enough of an uphill battle. Knowing that it could throw things off was too much.

I decided to chart the activities onto an expanding spiral. As the duration or intensity continues to grow as the spiral curls towards the outside, the activities still line up with whichever of the 1/7th segment that they sit in. As the activity is completed, I can give myself the reward of a gold star. It’s important to note that one of the 7 segments is REST. If I take a recovery day, I start back wherever I left off, reducing intensity or duration to prevent repeating the over-doing if needed. I don’t mark the recovery days, I know that they can happen at any point, as needed, and the routine and structure are ready to welcome me back when I am able. At the time of writing, I have about 20 gold stars which have taken me 24 days to accrue.

In the past, previous systems I have tried, if I had as many as 4 days outside of the routine, I might have considered it a failure. Or, harder hitting, I might have considered myself a failure.

Systems don’t work for me. I don’t know why I even try.

And I have learned that systems that can accommodate the variability of life and bodies and pain and fatigue are not just novel and a neat idea, they are absolutely necessary for me. I’m not out here saying, “i figured it out! this is the one!” either though. I always get excited about new planners and systems when they are fresh and new and have watched enough ADHD comedy skits to know I am not alone here. Inevitably, after some time of forgetting about it, falling out of practice, or just having a rough patch, that shiny new planner is at the bottom of the drawer where all the other shiny once-new planners go when they are not doing the job anymore. Undated planners have been helpful with this intermittent use situation, but they all have their short comings. (Note: the one I linked here is something I got on sale for 1/3 or less it’s current price. It worked for a bit, and then the weird paper size, 9 clip punching, and need for printers to be more predictably cooperative than is always possible all contributed to my letting it go. I don’t have an affiliate deal with them or anything, just wanted to give an example in case someone didn’t know about undated planners.)

I have (as most any organized ND polyamourus person has) relied hard on Google calendars. I am in the process of trying to quit google (as well as other especially egregious tech monopolies), and while things are straddling the old system and the new (proton calendar for the curious) of course things have fallen through the cracks. Luckily the misses have been minimal and low stakes, but it also just reminds me how every time a system is going through adjustments, it also needs recovery days.

All this to say, I am at the most structured and organized I may have ever been. I have a weekly meal plan and a daily activity routine, I have been playing guitar everyday for over 50 days and I’m running a 675 day streak learning Dutch on Duolingo. I really didn’t see any of this coming, it’s really come together piece by piece, day by day. A part of me, that same part that scoffed at the idea of meal planning for years, also worries that in saying this out loud to the internet will break it. It will cast some sort of jinx and it will all fall apart as soon as I post this. And… that part of me takes a whole lot of comfort in knowing that I am allowed recovery days, my systems are allowed recovery days. The systems only function when they can be as flexible as the bodies they pertain to, and that without some tools, structure and routine, my mental load doubles down and attempts to find or create stability (which often manifests physically as tension and pain.) The sweet spot between those cannot be expected to be a fixed point.

So tell me, what kinds of permission or flexibility do you build into your routines?

Have you found ways to support yourself with schedules that don’t strangulate?

Have you surprised yourself as you age, unmask or adjust to new conditions in your body with needing or wanting different types of structures?