A Desire to Undo
I am looking forward to starting the scar workshops I have scheduled to be starting next Sunday, and wanting to share the invite to these workshops with a bit more of my perspective.
Before I had my first top surgery in 2020 I had the typical conversations with the surgeon about what my surgical goals and priorities were. I had seen some intense scars over the years, and had a sneaky suspicion (which would later reveal itself to be much more) that my body was not in favour of having any large lateral incisions. While my chest was bigger and more stretched out from age and breastfeeding than was typically eligible for a key-hole type procedure, I advocated for the best that could be done without a lateral incision. The surgeon needed to make sure that I understood that I was agreeing to a surgical outcome that might not have a “tight” or typical appearance, I was choosing function over form and was grateful to have been given that choice.
As it turned out, my body HATES stitches. 4 procedures later, I can confirm that even when alternate suturing materials were used, my body spits them out, like a small child trying something distasteful. It was probably more than just a clever aesthetic based choice to minimize incisions, when cut, my body refuses the help of stitching to stay closed. Who knows how a lateral incision might have played out for me, probably not great.
That said, I initially thought I was choosing less incisions so as to have less scars. Which was not entirely successful. Even with the smaller cuts, places where my body pushed stitches out became infected and as my body worked to close those openings; it formed big twisted knots of scarring. My body also had a small fit about being fitted with lymphatic drains and prevented them from working on one side. As a result, all the fluid was drawn out with the largest syringe I have ever seen, and then, the places that had been rapidly deflated formed big plates of adhesion scars under the surface.
As soon as the wounds were closed enough to start seeking scar remediation care I was there. I worked with an RMT, had myofacial microneedling, gua sha and cupping and more. I spent hundreds of hours working on “breaking up” the scars. I was determined and relentless.
Later in my process I learned that my vigour and commitment may have been counter productive.
But I understand, when our bodies produce scars, ideas we may have about healing are inspired by what our bodies were like BEFORE what ever caused the scars.
And… however it was that we came to be scarred, it can be helpful to remember that when tissue the body forms scars- it’s for a good reason. It needed to close itself up, and probably in a hurry. In doing so, the tissue it forms can be rigid, itchy and/or painful. It can energetically form a wall over/under/around which our felt sense is impeded.
Most bodies can generate softer, flexible, integrated tissue, but it doesn’t do that in a hurry. It takes time, nutrients, circulation, and a patience that most of us don’t have when faced with the immediate changes that scars can present.
I spent 100s of hours accessing professional care, doing personal touch work, reading books, websites, clinical studies and more and brought it all into my studies in somatic sex education. Learning about scar care and remediatory touch work had already been a part of the curriculum, but I took it that much deeper. Since then I have had the chance to work with other folks doing in-person body work and remote scar care education support.
I am now really excited to share these learnings and practices with folks who need them in these affordable, masked, wheel chair accessible workshops.
I hope to have a small room full of masked and scarred baddies this coming Sunday November 2nd learning and practicing ways to support our bodies integrative healing. Whether your scars are from C-sections, gender affirming surgery, circumcision, burns, acne, cancer surgeries, accidents, animal incidents or something else- if your scars are over 6 weeks old, I can offer you tools to help.
And the next Sunday, November 9th, I look forward to being in that same room with 5 pairs of people practicing ways to support this type of integrative healing in others. Pairs can be friends, lovers, professionals/clients or some other arrangement and if both members of the duo have scars, there will be an opportunity to take turns.
If you are not in the Victoria area or if in person isn’t your thing- I will be doing the same sessions virtually in December. Tickets for those are also available in my shop.
